This one's for the Girl's

Are you ready to hear a story? One that has been on my heart for quite some time. The Lord has pushed and prodded but if you want to know the truth,  I still was not ready to face the truth. I'm still not what I would consider ready,  but over the past few weeks I've had multiple instances of the Lord whispering that someone was waiting to hear this. If you the person who this is meant for,  know you are loved,  you have a friend in me,  and the Lord has plans for you larger than your wildest dreams.

Once upon a time..... okay so this really isn't a fairy tale. It all ends amazing but the road to here was bumpy and full of lessons I really would rather not learn again. I became a Christian at a very early age. I knew that Jesus had died for my sins. I knew that asking Him to forgive me was my only way to heaven. I could not wait to ask him to save me and learn as much as I could.

I know so many hymns,  I memorized scripture. I knew where to find verses in the Bible,  I could witness to people. God gave me the type of personality that enjoys being pushed out of my comfort zone. I also have a really good memory. I was in Sunday school,  awana, GAs, and church services. I took notes,  I even took Bible class at school. I absorbed all of the information I could.

Do you hear a common theme????

I, I, I..... listen to how impressive I think I am. Read all the words I know. I know obscure facts. I can talk to people.  I know the Bible.

Do you know the problem? PRIDE. I can do all of this. I know all of this. What's the point of studying because I know all of this. What was the next thing to happen to someone so convinced of what they knew and what they were worth?

Well,  God in His infinite glory took me down a peg. I had to question who I was. I was a target of bullying. I spent my middle school years and part of my high school incredibly unhappy. I didn't feel pretty,  I didn't have a lot of friends,  and I cried almost daily. I was so ready to be done that I clung to God and found my identity in Him. I began to see how He worked and this head knowledge of a just God became my heart knowledge of a loving God. In Christ I was happy, I put my heart and soul into worshiping Him. Instead of doing everything in church to fill my head,  I wanted to fill my heart.

However,  just like Israel, learning a lesson once was not good enough for me. When I got into college I knew God had a plan for me. I had learned so much, I had served in so many ways. I enjoyed choir and I loved to teach. I was smart, I was deserving. See, God was going to bless me. I knew that he would send me a boyfriend,  an amazing job, and a place for me to serve in the church.

But the problem remained the same,  I was waiting for what I deserved. And do you know what I deserved?  An eternity separated from God. I deserved death for my sins. It didn't matter how much I knew or how impressive I thought I was,  I was still a sinner saved by grace.

I thought that the more I knew,  the more I pushed myself out there,  that I was making God proud. The truth was,  I was proud of myself. Not proud of what God had given me but proud of my abilities. Proud of me,  what I can do. I had a great plan for how God was going to bless me because I was such a great Christian. However,  I was a perfect example of fake it til you make it.

I faked my self esteem. I faked part of my personality. I didn't know who I was,  where I belonged,  what my story was,  so I took control of what I could,  my image. That became more important than who I was. I wanted everyone to believe I knew the answers,  that I was blessed,  and that I loved my self. I didn't need friends and it didn't hurt that I didn't have them. But recently I've been forced to face that hard truth face on.

Those things hurt. I wasn't me,  I was pretending to be a version of me people would like. I was so focused on my abilities and my pride that I missed God's blessings. Cause here's the thing,  God has s allowed me to go on this amazing journey surrounded by women who love me and support me. God does not want me to rely on myself or my strengths. In fact God has taken away things to break my pride. In the end it has nothing to do with me.

My greatest story has nothing to do with what I can do. My story is about what Christ has done for me. How if Christ loved me enough to die for my sins that I can love myself too. I now surround myself with people who help keep my pride in check. My greatest sorry is that Christ saved my soul. And if I can keep my pride in check, I want to spend my whole life helping show people what God has done. I want people to see Him in me. And I never,  ever,  ever want to hear God tell me again that I am in His way. My life is His to use.... even I have to painfully admit what I consider my largest flaw and growing point!  I hope you find encouragement to get out of God's way and just allow Him to fill you completely with his mercy and grace.

Lies The World Taught Me

It seems like these days if a person is not grounded in the Word daily, it becomes too easy to get brought down in the lies of the day. The biggest lie that Satan sold to the world and even Christians are buying into, is the rationalization of sin. Things that the Bible clearly teaches as sin are rewarded are heroic in this day and time. Satan has manipulated people into believing as long as their sin doesn't affect other people, then it really isn't sin.

However Romans 1:18-32 Paul warns against the results of an impure nation. He tells of the judgement that comes to a nation that turns away from God. In verses 24-28 he narrows in on the idea that as we become a more depraved nation, the more God will turn us over to our desires. Because of a lust for sexualities that go against nature, we as a nation have turned away from the truth of God for the pleasures of the flesh. Things that are sin will be accepted as good and things that are good will be taken as evil.

In that same mentality I'm sure people will read this as hateful and bigoted. However this is another lie told by the world. A lie that the Christian population has bought into majorly! A lie so big that there are few people willing to challenge it. That lie is "as a Christian it's my place to love not to judge". I agree we should love everyone. Here's where the lie comes in, showing love means not voicing that you disagree,  not supporting the people who are willing to speak up, and to allow the world to tell you the standards of calling sin, sin. If I love you, what shows more love? Turning a blind eye to sin, or out of love showing you the love of Christ but the reality of the cost of sin.

Romans 6:23 says the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Did you read that? The wages of sin. All sin. Anything that goes against the will of God is a sin. Anything that goes against the nature of God is a sin. Everyone has sin, and the wages is death. The wages of any sin, not just sexual sin, not just murder, not just hatred, but anything sinful causes death. Something as simple as knowing the right thing to do, but not doing it. Having an opportunity to stand up for Jesus but allowing the devil to stifle your message. All is sin!  And it is hard to hear. I'm a sinner. You are a sinner. My child who I love with all my heart is a sinner. My parents who are the greatest example of Christ to me are still sinners. It's hard to hear, hard to accept, and hard to tell.

But love dictates I say it. Because I love you so much that I want you to know the transforming power of Christ. I love you so much that I want your eternity to be spent in heaven. I want you to know that Jesus died to save you from a sin nature that is born in us. And I love you enough to tell you that you are a sinner, but Christ can wash that sin away!

Today I've seen the hash tag love wins all over the Internet. But love did not win today. Love won 2000 years ago on a Sunday morning when 3 women when to a tomb to dress the body of Christ and found it empty. Love won the day Christ conquered the grave. Love won on the cross at Calvary when the blood of Christ covered an eternity of sins! My sins, your sins, past sins, and future sins were all forgiven that day. That was the day that love won.

Today, lies won. Today our nation has bought into the lie than man dictates what sin is. That men can determine what is right and what is wrong. Today the lie won that to disagree with lifestyles equals hatred. The lie won that says speaking up for the Bible is equal to bigotry. I know I will be unpopular. I know people will call hate upon me for daring to speak up the truth from the Bible.

Here's the thing, once again we've believed the lie that we answer to man. But I answer to God. Who gave me a message and the courage to write it. Do you have the courage to believe it?  To share it? To speak it?  Because the only way the world will begin to understand the lies is to saturate it with truth. It's time to stop being afraid of people and start having a fear of the Lord. It's time to stand for the Bible and the truth inside it. It's time to love people so much that we care more about their eternity than their opinion of us. The time is now because if we don't start now, it will be too late for the truth to be understood.

The Wonderful Cross

I don't know about you,  but I am not a huge fan of the Good Friday message. Sure the cross paid the wages of my sins (Romans 3:23) and the only way for Christ to conquer death, was to die. Had there never been Good Friday, how would we celebrate Easter? The thing that separates Christianity from every other religion? But I think about what that day was like, and it just breaks my heart.

Mary was probably the only person who truly understood all of Christ's for shadowing of the cross. From the beginning she knew her son would be the Sacrificial Lamb. She knew she was raising her son to die. She had to endure those fears for years, only to watch it first hand, wanting to take the hurt from Him, the same way he was taking eternal death from us.

His disciples had been with Him throughout His whole ministry. They had heard Him preach, saw his miracles, and even had one on one time learning personal lessons. They heard Him allude to the cross over and over. However they never really understood. Even in the garden, the night before, they did not understand what He was walking into to.

The people in Jerusalem welcomed Him as a King, a Teacher, a Prophet, and as the Son of God. They laid down palms, waiting in the streets just to lay eyes on Him shouting Hosanna, Hosanna!

Five days later, those same voices were raised once again shouting Crucify Him! They once again lined the streets but this time to mock and scorn and laugh as the Savior of the World drug His cross to Galgatha. They watched as He was tortured and beaten. They heard as He used some of His last energy to ask for forgiveness for their sins. They were there when the sky turned black because God could not look down at Christ because He was covered in our sins, and still they mocked.

I always wondered how could they do that to my Jesus? How could they call for His crucifixion. How did they not know He was who they had been waiting for?

But here's the ugly truth. I mine as well have been there shouting Crucify Him! My sins drove the nails into His hands. Not following God gave Him lashes. My disobedience was the crown of thorns. My selfishness was the blood pouring down. My overt refusal to do what I know is right was a mockery to the King of the Jews. It was me who put Him on the cross. It was you too. There is not one of us perfect enough to say we didn't need Him to die for us.

I am ashamed that my sin killed my Savior. But like the Psalm says, "joy comes in the morning". Sunday morning the stone will roll to the side. The sun will shine on an empty tomb. The angels will say, "why are you looking for Him here? He is not here but he was risen just as He said He would!" And just like Mary, when Jesus says my name, I will know it was Him.

His love took something terrible, ugly, dirty, and full of hate, and turned it into the wonderful cross. The symbol of our new lives. He can do to your life what He did to the cross. Turn it into something new. This Good Friday remember that in the midst of the sad reminder of His suffering, He did get down from the cross. He conquered death for you. Know eternal life is an option because He was willing to do what we couldn't!  Amen!

Looking for the Window

Have you ever heard, "When God closes a door, He opens a window"? Well I'm living proof that is true. It means that when you have a plan for your life, sometimes God shuts out opportunities to guide your steps in His heavenly direction.

Sounds so simple,  right? Our all knowing God wants the best for us. He knows where we need to be and He is not only willing to show us how to get there, but to make our options limited so we can be well aware of the path we need to take. Even in Psalms, we see how our steps are guided. Psalm 32:8 says "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eyes upon you".

God will never take His eyes off of us. He will constantly guide our movements, when we ask for it, and when we do not. To me, this is so relaxing to know that even if I'm not actively seeking God's will, He is still moving our feet in His directions. However, how much greater could the rewards be if we were seeking God's will and asking Him to lead us where He wants us to go. To move throughout this life deliberately, wanting to keep our movements in line with God's plan for us.

In a perfect world where we were not battling the devil, this would be the simplest thing in the world. It also would be easy and rewarding. God would not have to drag us kicking and screaming in the direction He wants us to go. The truth is, praying earnestly for God to direct our steps is hard!

Real hard...

Impossible actually.  We have to have Christ in our lives and the Spirit in our hearts for it to even be a possibility. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians tells us right there, to be able to follow God's plans, we have have Christ and rely on Him completely.

In our minds when we hear, God opens a window, we expect the window to be door shaped and right beside the closed door. We expect simplicity. "God I see you shut that door but thank you for opening the door right beside the closed one immediately after it closed." Oh if it really was that simple.

Lately, though,  I'm learning those windows God opens are sometimes hard to find. Sometimes they're so high up you have to find a ladder and a boost, and a screwdriver to loosen the window. Sometimes you can't even find the window you just hold on to the faith that it's there.

And that's okay! Everyone has set backs. Everyone has moments where we follow selfish ambitions and God has to start shutting doors to get us back in the right direction. Sometimes God has plans for us so far past our earthly perspective that we need Him to shut out all of our options to show us exactly where to go.

For those of you in a dark hallway with every door shut around you, stay strong! God has plans for you otherwise He would not take the time to direct your steps. Surround yourself with like minded Christians who can lift you up. To encourage you while you are looking for the Window to climb through into God's will.

As you find these windows that God is leading you too, do not be scared to tell others how God has led your steps! You never know, there may be a person with a door slammed in their face, reaching for the courage to move away from their dreams into God's plan.

Remember always Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you,  declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In the midst of turmoil and questions, we can cling to this promise. When we are unsure of our situations and where to go from here, remember to follow God. He has given us a hope and a future and it's okay to cling to that! To expect God to follow His promise. Because you have a friend right here doing the same!

Upside Down World

Growing up, I could have been classified with what most people call sheltered. I went to a Christian school, attended a church where my dad was on staff, and spent every waking moment with family. Meals were had together, prayers were prayed together, and for a small time, we all watched tv together in the living room. With a family of seven, compromise was learned early on. We were even so close in age that many camps, disciple nows, and other youth retreats were spent with siblings.

When I was 14, I remember one trip that our youth took to go canoeing. I was so enthralled with the example set by my older brother. Back then, my world was a Christian world. I didn't feel separated. Jesus was at my school, in my classes, in all the homes of friends, and constantly in the conversations at our home. So many things happened, good or bad, and I was surrounded by people who could and would put out God's hand in all of it.

Junior year of high school I moved to a public school. I was so scared, but soon, I found a group of Christians. Girls, who like me, wore Christian shirts and carried around their Bibles for quiet times in class.

I never once had to think how God would fit into my world. There was always room in my bag for my Bible, space on my wall for a verse, and a word of wisdom from my mama. Jesus lived all around me and I never questioned it. Because it was all I knew.

However, I fear, times are changing. There are more and more cases of Christianity being removed from places. More stories of Christians getting the short end of the stick because of religious freedom. In a world of political correctness, Jesus has all but become a bad word.

AND WE LET IT HAPPEN. This once Christian nation is slowly becoming a nation full of people scared to speak up. So often we find ourselves bending over backwards to keep the peace instead of standing up for what we know is right. Or blindly giving into things, only to realize afterwards it wasn't what we expected.

We've bought into so many lies that we believe we have to have two separate worlds. We have Christian music, Christian schools, and Christian movies. There are Christian books and Christian stores. However, it really wasn't that long ago, that society demanded a different standard. Mainstream media was family friendly, moral, tasteful, and borderline in line with the Bible. There were scandalous things, but as a whole, Christian media and mainstream media were basically one in the same.

These days we as Christians need to band together. Support Christians who are in the mainstream media. Send a unified message that we demand more of that in this world. Spend our money at the box office supporting truly Christian films. Follow people on facebook who are Christians and speak up for us. I love sending them messages of support, whether they read them or not. Fight for the right to have Bibles in school. Encourage your children to do the same. Talk openly with your family about why this is important.

The time for passiveness is over. Jesus made people uncomfortable,  the disciples made people uncomfortable,  and the Bible makes us uncomfortable. If we are trying to make everyone around us comfortable,  are we following in His footsteps? Are we truly doing the will of the Lord? Or are we just trying to make it from this life to heaven without making people upset? Because if that is the case...maybe we're doing it all wrong!

I'd rather make people uncomfortable now, that for my grandchildren to be raised in a world where Jesus is a bad word. In a place where churches are there to make you feel good. To have them raised in a world that doesn't step on toes. If we get to that point, we have failed. It's time to stand up now before it gets too far gone. It's time to band together as Christians and demand to be heard!

Unless we stop standing up for our beliefs,  we will soon be living in a world turned completely upside down. We will lose the few Christian families on tv we watch, movies like Fireproof and Courageous won't be made, and the few Christian artists who have music in the mainstream will lose their footings.

I want my family to be raised in a world like I was. Where there was always room for Christ. Is there room for Christ in your world? Do you want Him in every aspect of your world? Or do you want Him in your home, but not in your movies? In certain tv shows, but not in your music? It's time to evaluate where we have space for Him. We set the example for the world. For our upside society to accept Him into it, we have to accept Him into every aspect of our world as well.

Right Kind of Role Model

I have a very unhealthy habit. I love following People Magazine and US Weekly on facebook. Honestly, almost everything I read or see has something that sends me over the edge. I'm constantly making mental notes of things to never do, people to not let my kids look up too, and the importance of keeping track of the kids in a world growing further and further from things I know to be important.

One of the most read and liked stories I saw was of a celebrity saying she was sad she didn't have any children, because she'd love to have a girl to look up to Beyonce. She is after all the greatest role model for young girls today.

If that doesn't turn your stomach, just read some of her lyrics. Look up a video or two. Watch a performance from an award show. She is the opposite of what I want empowered to look like.

Just when I thought the world was off its rocker and it was impossible to find someone worth looking up to, something amazing happened. Dancing with the Stars announced Sadie Robertson would be on their new season! I had been a fan of Duck Dynasty back when all the Duck Commanders had were hunting videos. Then their show just took me by surprise. Oh how this family touched me every episode by praying in the name of Jesus. They were real, funny, and most importantly shone with the light of Christ.

When I came across the I Am Second video with the Robertsons I cried like a baby. I believe whole heartedly to talk about past mistakes in a way that doesn't glorifying it. Of crediting Christ with the transformation and building from the ashes. What an example they set! It was heart breaking and wonderful to be able to see how the Almighty changed their lives and are changing others too.

From the first time Sadie stepped on the dance floor I just knew God was completely in control. Yes, I selfishly wanted her to win because, Louisiana Y'all. But after a few weeks, I could see the devil trying to get this amazing testimony off of tv. Every time she was in the bottom two and pulled through, I thought, God has something to show through her. And the final show that was it. To hear the judges talk about her light and her personality really just made my heart sing like I was watching a loved one be praised.

Growing up as a Christian I constantly heard to live life so others would know there was something different. That they would ask what this light was they could see. To be so transparent that the only thing that comes through is the love of Christ. Well on this season of Dancing with the Stars I saw that happen. I saw what can happen when you allow the Lord to work in everything you do.

Every time I see the Robertsons on tv, or read an interview by Kirk Cameron, or see how precious the Duggar's speak to each other, I see there is still good. There are people worth looking up to. I believe as Christians we should rally around these people. Lift them up daily in prayer, since they show the whole world what we stand for. Keep in mind they are human like us and will err but the great thing is, when they do, we can see how the Lord moves in it.

I am so overwhelmingly proud of Sadie. If I taught youth, I would make sure every young girl I spoke to knew how rare and amazing it is to be a girl like her. That modestly and a soft word is better than anything. It's not old fashioned or out of date to want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. As a young mom and wife, I want everyone to see the importance of this. If every Christian lived so transparently and taught their children to follow God, how powerful would we be? We would be a Christian nation once again, unstoppable!

The Robertson women are just one example of role models we need. But they are a great one!  Hopefully, together, we can support these Christian families and change the way things are going in a world turned upside down! On a side note, the only bad thing I can say about the Robertson women, is that I'm not one, but I won't hold that against them!

Holiday State of Mind

This Christmas is shaping up to be really tight. We are more than likely only going to be able to do a portion of what I would like to do for people. It makes me a little upset because it's Kolton's first Christmas to really be aware and excited about things! However, this mindset has given me an opportunity to think through the motives behind gift giving at the holidays.

Seems like everyone has a recipe for how they buy Christmas. Starting in July so that they're done by November and the financial struggle is already over. Limiting the gifts you give to your children. Having kids donate and buy for others in exchange for a gift. All you have to do is look up Santa List on Pinterest and your computer can be flooded with ideas to take the hassle out of Christmas.

As great as all those helps are, I think it's important to examine why we give gifts. According to the world, Christmas is about good cheer and family time. So sometimes it's easy to get swept up in that more is more mentality. We don't want our kids to get to school in January and feel like they got the short end of the stick. Or compare presents with cousins and it make their Christmas seem lacking. How do we protect against that mentality? In the hustle and bustle of Christmas,  how do you instill the heart of Christ in those around you?

I think most importantly is why we give gifts. Are we keeping up with the Joneses? Are we over compensating for our perceived failures in the past year? Do we give out of guilt because someone got you a present last year? Even though I try to avoid these ideas, I'd be lying if I said these motives have never popped up in my mind.

However that's not the real reason we give gifts. We give gifts because Christ gave the ultimate gift by giving up the splendors of heaven to come to earth to be born as our Savior. Always, but especially this time of year, we must examine the heart. If your kids know constantly why you do what you do, it takes the pressure off of presents.

I know a lot of times we are tempted to break away from gift giving completely. Who hasn't thought at one time or another "my child has so many (insert beloved toys here) we just need to stop buying things. Don't want them to be spoiled". Believe me, I get it! We have so many basketballs and footballs I've often thought the same thing. But I'm constantly reminding myself that I don't live by the world's standard. The world says "don't give so much your children are spoiled, but give enough they can compete with those around them".

But, I'm here to tell you that is not God's answer. God says "I'm your model. Look at all the blessings I've given to you. Instead of withholding for fear of your selfishness, I've showered you with blessings. I have modeled how to be a steward of your blessings and know you can handle your gifts properly. If not, I'm here to help you".

How amazing is that? This Christmas instead of worrying if I'm getting too much or too little, I'm going to think, am I showing my child how to use gifts properly. We give because Christ gave us everything. The Joy of the Lord is why we have a joyful season. Let's keep Christ in Christmas the whole season and in our hearts. That way we can be living examples for our children about the real reason for the season!

A Whole Lot of Sanctity in this Life

Recently I've felt like every time I see the news or facebook, issues arise about the value of life. From Death with Dignity to the acceptance of Post Birth Abortions on the rise on college campuses, I feel like our society is missing the big picture. My Facebook feed has been over taken by stories that make my skin crawl at the ease in which life is just thrown away.

The first time I saw a story about a woman on reddit write a letter to the baby she was aborting, my heart wept for this woman. Then later the story kept popping up with people commending her and wanting abortion acceptance to be more wide spread. Calling her story enlightening, brave, and encouraging for other women struggling with this issue. Many feminists are calling for this mentality to be more wide spread. That as a society we should strive to accept a story this beautiful.

We should also consider Death with Dignity to be the bravest move a person with a terminal illness could make. Reading Brittney Maynard's story is a story of bravery. But different than the way the media wants it portrayed. I see bravery in a husband who stands beside a person knowing they are going to take their life. I see bravery in parents who had to come to terms with their daughter giving up the fight. That story is so tragic and heartbreaking but we are called by media to regale this as the new face of bravery.

However, here's the thing. I don't answer to the media. I don't answer to feminists calling for the acceptance of abortions. I don't answer to doctors who want to debate when life truly begins. I answer to the Creator of the Universe, to a Savior who willingly handed His sinless body over as a sacrifice so that I could spend eternity in heaven. I answer to His love letter that He wrote for all who wants to know Him in an intimate, personal way.

All you have to do is read Psalms and
Jeremiah to see how God feels about our lives. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. And according to Jeremiah He knows the plans He has for us. If He has plans for us before we are even born, then that means no person is a mistake!

There may be surprises, there may be unexpected for us, but there is no such thing as an accident or mistake when it comes to a human life. As a Christian I believe we are to speak the truth. Not in a shaming or accusing way. We all make mistakes, some are just more visible than others. It should always be done in love. However, if we don't start speaking up, the world will never know it's view point is wrong. They will never understand the heavenly implications of the things they do. Human life will continue to be something that can be throw to the side the moment it becomes and inconvenience or hard.

Everyone faces challenges. I pray that I never have to face the battle that Brittney Maynard did. I believe wholeheartedly she made what she believed was the best decision. However,  to me, Death with Dignity is still suicide. It's taking into your hands what God has control of. There may be struggle in death but I pray if ever in that situation the Christ would work through me to touch people who would have never known Him otherwise.

I also pray that I begin to have a love and compassion for women who believe abortion is the only option. I pray for courage to speak up in a way that shares the plans of God without casting judgement or driving that person away.

I pray that as a society we begin to lift up the single mother who could have ended her child's life but didn't. Or the couple who adopted even though they could have their own children, allowing God to use them for His plans. That we encourage the mother of a special needs child who puts his quality of life above the original expectations they had of their family. To the 30 year old suffering from aggressive cancer. To the older women in a nursing home, wishing their family would come to visit.

Sanctity of life does not end the month a mother gives birth. It's not about having less abortions. It's about valuing everyone around you so much that Christ can be seen in your love. It's about sacrificially giving up what you thought life should be and instead embracing God's plans. It's about encouraging people making the hard decisions about quality of life. Remembering that Christ suffered and died on the cross that we might have life and have it more abundantly. It's time to embrace that promise He made and live like we believe it.

A Love Letter to Barksdale

So I should be packing. I really should get off of my couch and get to my bedroom and begin doing as much as possible. There's not a lot of time left and even though I have done so much, it's been mushrooming. I look around and it seems like I haven't done anything. But I'm finding I can't do much more right now.

These past few weeks I have spent so much time in prayer, tears, and desperation. I feel like God is leading the way, but I am constantly pulling and clinging to what is familiar. I know where He is leading is right, it always is. I also know in a few weeks this panic feeling will leave and I will be able to rest in the assurance that my God makes no mistakes. That His hand is always sovereign. He sees the big picture, whereas I see a little snapshot. Doesn't make it easier,  but it does make it worth while.

Tomorrow I say goodbye to my church and church family. I've prayed for strength but just thinking about it sends me a little deeper into overwhelming sadness. Barksdale Baptist church has been more than a church. It has been my family. They have taught me the Bible, shown me the grace of God, and allowed God to work in them to such an extent that I cannot image another church like it. Through childhood, mistakes, and sins,  I've been surrounded by a forgiving family. People that believe in second chances,  that truly live the Red Letters, and are always eager to help people grow.

Most of the church members will never read this, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't need to be said. There have been men that have been a living example to my husband about what it means to be the spiritual head of the household. There have been women who love and nurture my son, praying for him to have a future grounded in the love of Christ. This is a church family that doesn't need to simply preach the love of Christ, because they know it, they live it, and they show it to those of us lucky enough to worship alongside them.

I've been here since I was in third grade maybe? I've helped my mom with Wednesday night suppers. I've seen us move buildings, follow the Lord's leading, and grow in ways I never thought possible. I've been so lucky to worship with my dad leading me. For years my mom taught my Sunday school and only left to teach Kolton's. I've sat next to best friends, strangers,  and people who have become my family. At my wedding and baby showers I came home and cried at the outpouring that was so above expectations that I couldn't handle it.

This is will be the first time,  other than my time in college, that I will have to change churches. My heart aches at the thought of telling all of my dear family goodbye. Of walking out of the doors of the church that grew me. Gave me the courage to find my niche and encouraged me. Bible studies, fellowships, and festivals aren't just precious memories,  they were learning experiences about what Christ expects from His bride. All of this first hand. Everything gained. Nothing was ever lost by walking through those doors. Every Sunday I felt the Lord, I saw Him on the faces of all the dear people who helped raised me.

As I sat on my knees crying my eyes out I pray for comfort. For understanding. This church raised me, but in a way it's been a crutch. I will always be Rob and Robins daughter. I will always be underneath the shadow of what I've grown from. Tomorrow God is going to grow me. He's allowing me to take all of the love and strength bestowed to me by these wonderful people and challenge me to live it!  To push my boundaries. Find my own ministries. To lean on Him and acknowledge that the dreams of who I want to be in Him, don't have to be dreams. I know if I follow Him, I will grow into the Christian woman He expects me to be. It's time to leave my crutch at Barksdale and forge new relationships. To find new areas to work in His will.

This is where I grew up. Where I found me. I may not have been saved there but I came to know the Lord in such an intimate amazing way that I will never be the same. I feel like Moses leaving the mountain. Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the Lord indeed. In the face of every person who has loved us in that church. You will never know the impact you've had on my life. I hope I make you proud when I move. But I will always keep you close to my heart, in my prayers, and on my mind.

Encouraging a Selfless Experience

Recently,  I've read or come across so many people in our culture that claim to share the message of Christ,  yet miss the mark. Whether it's ignorance with misinterpreting scripture, love of self that makes them willing to exult themselves above God, or its blatantly leading other people astray by your own ambitions, none of this is acceptable. Since our world is living in this terrible, horrible place of politically correctness, it's so easy to read something and think, "Wow,  that sounds great". The truth is, the majority of people in the mainstream media are wolves in sheep's clothing. Then some are blatantly wolves and do not care to hide their selfishness. Wanting to be on a pedestal. The moment that anything you write, say,  or share becomes about making a name for yourself and not honoring God, you allow the devil to work his way into your message.

I think recently, especially the more politically correct people try to be, the more we hear questionable things. I'm sure I will offend people, make people hate me, but this has been on my heart for quite sometime. This post has been written and deleted so many times because I don't want to upset people. However, I can't put it off anymore.

I want to say, I do not stand with hating people. I do not stand with mistreating others. I surely do not stand with ostracizing people because of their sins. Christ died on the cross and conquered death to overcome EVERY sin. Not just sins I think are forgivable,  or you deem worthy. The cross took care of everything. All you have to do is ask Jesus to save you, and you can be forgiven. However,  at some point, especially recently, this has been altered.

Rob Bell wrote a book called Love Wins which essentially says that God would not send anyone to hell. That a loving God would not go through the process of the cross just to allow people to go to hell. Even the Bible says that every name will confess the power of Christ. That is so far from the truth that it's painful to even read. It makes me sad because I know that numerous people will read this, think is sounds great, and follow that wrong theology.  The truth is so much greater than that. Yes we serve a loving God. Only a loving God would take the price of sin upon himself. Only a loving God would make forgiveness and the way to heaven as easy as it is. Only a loving God would die FOR EVERY SIN AND EVERY PERSON.

However God believes in free will. We have the choice to accept the Bible and Christ's forgiveness in its entirety. We also have the choice to live as if he doesn't exist. We can choose to put ourselves above God, worship man and to risk our eternity. We have the ability to choose a life that exults ourselves and to forgo the cross. If we choose the latter, just like every choice there are consequences. The consequence is an eternity separated from Christ. Our God is a jealous God. We will reap what we sow if we live a life that is completely negligent of Christ and all He has done.

We are not bought with a price, just to lay back and allow things to fall as they will. I choose every day to wake up and in my error filled humanity to live my life against the entirety of the Bible. I've slipped up, I've lived in sin. I have had consequences of sin that were visible to the world around me. However I've chosen to use those as ways to point back to Christ.

I think our culture has bought into so many lies. The lie that if it makes you feel good, do it. The lie that church and those experiences are not for God, but to make us happy. The truth is, the Bible calls for a sacrifice of praise. That takes effort and work and if it is a true sacrifice,  then there is no place to exult yourself in it. We've bought into the lie of God hates the sin but loves the sinner. We are doing people around us a disservice by not saying that God judges the sinner. We live in a world, where you cannot point out sin without people accusing you of being hateful. This world that we are living in has blatant disregard for what the Bible lines out as sexual sins, immorality,  and evil doings. Selfish acts, self worship, and false teachings have become the norm.

I personally have a few people that just seeing their names make me cringe. Refusing to preach on hell or sin makes you a false teacher. I encourage you to be on point. To read and abide by the Bible in its entirety. Be leery of people who have a tendency to pick and choose scriptures. Know the difference between love in Christ and being afraid to step on toes. Encouragement is wonderful, but be careful not to fall prey to motivational type preachers. If your prayer and worship is being done to make you happy, and that is encouraged, please take a step back!  It's called sacrifice for a reason. Please do not fall prey to the self centered religious ideas that are all too common these days. 

The Common Cross

I have a rocking chair in my living room. It's an odd color green, very worn, and sits very low to the ground. In fact there's almost no padding left in the cushion. But, if Little Bit starts getting too rough on this chair I lose my mind. Because this chair, means the world to me.

It belonged to my Mimi. There's pictures of her rocking me in it. Over the years I've rocked cousins in it. And once my son was born, we spent so many hours in that chair. The warm and fuzzies I get from knowing the history of this chair are unexplainable.

I feel certain we all have something like that. Maybe it's priceless China. Or a book from a loved one. Or a blanket so disheveled it could fall apart if you even look at it wrong (my husband's green blanket is a perfect example). We hold these artifacts close to our hearts. We get upset when someone says something bad, we keep them in plain sight and love to talk to people about the history and meaning of these things.

We do everything we can to keep these items from becoming commonplace. Pass down the meaning from generation to generation. Holding items in high esteem and treating them that way even if they cost nothing to us. We never want to lose how important these things are to us.

However, how many of us treat the Cross of Christ like this? If you belive that Jesus Christ died on the cross to save us from an eternity separated from God, then the cross should be revered. But so often we see it hanging on walls with cute sayings, often times it's in a stain glass window at church, or something that rises out of a tragedy that people cling to. Such as the cross at Ground Zero at 9/11.

I'm so guilty of this mentality. I collect crosses. I couldn't tell you how many times walking through Hobby Lobby or a flea market I've stopped and said, "how cute is that cross". Now, I'm not saying that having crosses around your home is wrong. Or that you should immediately take them all down. I honestly, love that my crosses have verses and hymns to remind me through out the day where my focus should be. However this opens us up to being desensitized. Allowing the cross to just become a symbol that decorates our home; not a statement that saves our souls.

The truth is, the cross was brutal. Christ who was already weak and beaten had to carry His cross up to Golgatha to be killed. They took what was already a brutal death and intensified it by nailing Him instead of tying Him to the cross. He was mocked,  ridiculed, all the while with a crown of thorns around His brow. Not gingerly placed there, but pressed and pushed into His head so that he bled. His side was pierced while people sat and gambled for His robe.

Physically,  I can't even imagine how painful this would be. I can't even begin to comprehend the torture or exhaustion. But even worse than that. The emotional pain. Not just from the people mocking him. But because He was forced to take on every sin that had been committed and every sin that would be committed. As a result of that, God could not look upon Jesus. Christ since the beginning of time has been in the presence of God the Father, but at that moment that he took on your sins, God had to abandon Him because of His holiness.

2 Corinthians 5:21 says Christ was sinless, but He became sin so we could have eternal life. He basically became sin so he could defeat sin. I think often times we hear the story so frequently we forget the brutality of it. We forget to acknowledge the amazing grace that the cross brings to us. We gloss over so many details.

The truth is, the cross bridged a gap for us. Kept us out of hell. The cross of Christ keeps us from having to sacrifice constantly because we will never be good enough for heaven. We can stop keeping score of all the wrong things verses right things. We can never be good enough to win heaven. But that's okay. The cross did it for us!!

The reality of the cross can be so easily overlooked. I pray that for you, it never becomes commonplace, though. That you are constantly amazed by its power. That hearing The Old Rugged Cross will bring tears to your eyes!! That the cross would be anything but common in your life.

Here's Hoping you DON'T Get What you Deserve

Every few years it seems like pop culture generates a new phrase. Most of the time I find these to be obnoxious but not harmful. Just a little annoying. Remember in the early 2000s when the answer to anything was Whatzzzzup. More recently we've been blessed with gems such as YOLO and You mad bro? The second of which I do not understand yet a year ago at a concert I saw at least 6 shirts with that on it.

However, I've been noticing a trend. Whether it's on the comments of a news article or the personal rants of a status update, there have been numerous outpourings of this phrase.  If you've ever uttered this phrase, you are not alone. This has been something I've thought numerous times, until last night. When God all but yelled at me at the reality of what I was implying.

"I hope you get what's coming to you", "one day God will give you what you deserve", or "you'll get yours".  Have you thought these things about someone? I have. More than once. If I'm especially upset I've even taken comfort in fact that God will judge people who have wronged me.

However last night I was struck with what the true implications of those phrases are. These phrases are basically saying, "I hope God unleashes His full judgement on you". What is God's full judgement and punishment? Eternity completely separated from the Creator of the Universe because of sin. Godly retribution is to turn His back on people that do not know Him.

I do not wish God's judgment on my life. I've read the Old Testament, I know Israel's history and God's anger towards them. The thought of even an iota of that judgement makes me quake. I deserve His judgement, but I have escaped it. I accepted Christ as my Savior and now I will never have to spend eternity separated from the Lord. Yet, I'm basically wishing that the Lord will not forgive people who have wronged me. To wish for them to never know the Lord and what He has in store for them. For that one mistake against me to be the deciding factor for their eternity.

If you read through the prophets in the Old Testament, you will see where the Lord consistently calls a warning to his people. However, before or after the warning, God calls His people to redemption. REPENT AND TURN FROM YOUR WAYS. God does not want to send people to hell. If He did, wouldn't it have been easier for Him to judge Cain when he killed Abel? Instead, God marked Cain so no one would kill him, to give him time to repent and turn towards God. If God wanted to unleash wrath upon us, why send His Son to die a brutal harsh death, experiencing the abandonment of God, so we could be forgiven? I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like drastic measures to give us a second chance.

Now that I have reevaluated that phrase I've begun to realize how truly hateful the implications are. Do I honestly wish that a former friend would spend eternity separate from God because we had a fight two years ago? Do I truly wish that hateful boss would go the rest of his life without learning of the redemptive powers of Christ? Am I really sitting at home hoping that family member I'm on the outs with will never experience God's love and fellowship? 

The truth is Christ died for me the same He died for you. The white lie I told a bill collector was on the weight of His shoulders when God turned His back from Christ. The curse you yelled while driving to work was the same as the crowd shouting "crucify him". The murderer on death row was the reason Christ wore a crown of thorns. Howver, thankfully that's not the end of the story. Our eternities were the reason He arose and conquered death. I deserve it as much as you do, because NO ONE DESERVES IT. It is a free gift.

However, to wish that someone gets what's coming to them is to wish they never receive that gift. I should be so much more concerned with showing who Christ is, than to be wrapped up in personal vendettas. Because the truth is, we all deserve to be separated from Christ. The idea that someone might wish me to spend eternity in darkness is heart breaking.

I pray this might encourage you. That you would see how truly painful and damaging words can be. I hope this breaks your heart for the people that we've wished this upon. If together we consciously started changing our mindset towards sinners,  how many people would come to know Christ's forgiveness through us? I encourage you to have an eternal mindset that will carry on into your relationships. To let the next transgression slide off of your back. To give second, third, and fourth chances. Because we serve a God of second chances, and I don't know about you, but I want to be as much like Him as possible.

What's Behind Your Couch

I don't know if you have had the pleasure of experiencing the insanity of an 18 month old, but it is unlike anything I've ever seen before. My son has one particular hobby that takes place before anything else. Pushing toys off the back of the couch. It seems a little mundane to me, but hey, I guess that's like going to six flags for this kid. Sometimes I swear he plays with things he knows I'll take away and put on the back of the couch, just so he can shove it in that crack between the wall and the couch.

Every time he does that I cringe a little. Then I get frustrated because it's not like I can pull that couch out while he's awake. I tell myself, oh I'll get it when he goes to bed. However,  I get swept away in that glorious feeling of knowing I can eat my Hershey bar without dirty hands begging for it.

Well last night, I realized all of my hair brushes were missing. I mean all!  No combs, no picks, no teasing brushes, nada. I even desperately was looking for a baby brush to help with my bangs, but those, too, were missing. I had no other choice than to slide the couch back in search of a hair taming device.

Let me tell y'all,  it was BAD! I mean, the instant shame and revolt and dread and fear at what I would find, was overwhelming! I feel ashamed just to tell you some of the things I found. However I will let you use your imagination. I have an 18 month old obsessed with brushes, spoons, and q-tips, a husband,a chef who enjoys a pb&j tortilla like it's a delicacy,  and I eat more Hershey bars than I'm comfortable admitting. Insert imagination here.

It was so bad I almost took a picture. But I could not bear the idea of there being evidence of this shameful part of my home. Even if I never showed anyone the picture, I'd know it was there. And that was too much!

It got me to thinking, though, how much that is like life. How many things do we keep pushing off behind the couch? How many sins, secrets, and confessions are hidden under things so that no one can see them? How fearful are we of pulling those protective layers off, seeing the damage, and admitting we need help to fix it?

I spend a lot of my time on Sunday mornings fixing my hair, doing my makeup, picking out an outfit. Getting Kevin and Kolton ready. Trying to appear in a good mood. I want to look put together. I don't want anyone to think about me the things I think about me. I don't want to appear frazzled. I wanted a husband and a child, so at church you say how thankful you are and what a blessing life is.

So we only show people the clean side of our couch. I keep the same front up at church that I show to strangers. But that is not how it is supposed to be. 1 Thessalonians 5:11a says, "Let us encourages one another and build each other up".

How can we build each other up, if we do not know where that person is struggling?  Where I need encouragement changes from day to day, sometimes minute to minute. There are times I need to hear,  "my house was a wreck when my children were this age, too" but tomorrow I might need to hear "it's okay that it was too crazy to on makeup this morning, you look beautiful without it".

At church and around our close Christian friends, it's time we allow them to build us up. To do that, we have to pull the couch back, show the mess, ask for help, and not be ashamed. Everyone has something that they are hiding from visitors. And that's fine, but we don't need to hide them from everyone. The Savior of the World wants to let you know, he's not ashamed of what you are. But, he does offer redemption,  hope, fresh starts, and grace.

Every time I look at my freshly cleaned couch area (for this week at least) I'm going let that be a reminder. A visual aide of the things Christ has available for me! The way He could build me up and clean things out if I just would not be afraid to move the couch.

Where are Your Gifts Used?

What if you sang really well? What if your voice was pitch perfect, smooth, and when you opened your mouth it was if the clouds rolled back and the heavens parted just to shine a light on your voice? Most people sing, even if it's just in the shower, but few people have a voice that is show stopping. How I would give for a voice like that.

But what if you had a voice like that, but you only sang at your home when no one else was around. The only people hearing your beautiful gift, were you and God.

That's okay though, right? This is a gift from God and I'm turning my gift around to sing praises to Him,  so I know I'm glorifying Him. He gave me this gift of song, so I know my voice is pleasing to Him.

There is truth in that. The Lord loves to see us use the gifts He has given to us, that's why they're called gifts! But how sad to know that when you stay at home, you miss fellowship with other believers, and when you allow other people to do what you have been called to do, you miss out on the rich blessings the Lord has for you. By keeping your gift to yourself, you have told God what He is allowed to do in your life. You are limiting His hand in your life.

1 Corinthians 12 describes how the Spirit distributes gifts and how we are all working together with a heavenly perspective. I encourage you to read it, to learn how important it is to share the gifts God has given us.

In the privacy of our own home, far from the judgemental eyes of people around us is where we feel most comfortable to give back to God what He has given us. But that is not our calling. Our blessings come from when we push past our comfort zones and give all we have to Him.

To me a perfect example of this is when you were in school and had to do group projects. Ideally, everyone had a role to play. They would do everything asked on the correct time frame and no person would have to do more than her partners. However,  reality was always different. You would have one person, say an artist, who wouldn't do their part. So the person who was going to do the research volunteers to do the art work. They aren't good at it, they are a bundle of nerves until the project is turned in. But, they are willing to help, and knows the person who is the artist isn't going to do their job. So they do what is necessary. It isn't bad, but it's not the best. It get the job done, but isn't the most professional work done.

If the church was a group project, which member would you want to be? Most people would say, I'd rather be the person who does both jobs. My viewpoint is slightly different. I'd rather a church that worked ideally. Where we all came together, worked within our gifts, pushed boundaries, and pushed each other forward. I want to feel confident in what I'm doing. If my gift is my voice,  I want to find someone who can play the piano and someone who is great with adolescents and let's start a youth choir.

Everyone has their gifts and they can be used in unexpected ways. BUT, they can never be used in an unexpected ways if you do not push yourself to use it in a public setting. If the only place you allow your gifts to be seen is alone in your home, that means some one in your church is doing a "make do" job in the area you really could excel in. You are telling God, I appreciate what you have given me, but I will decide how it is used.

Instead, pray on your gifts. Ask God to show you new ways to step outside of that comfort zone. How much more fulfilling could your life be if you allowed God to point you in the directions your gifts should take you? How many more rewards could you have in heaven, if you lived with that perspective every day?

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes. A thought that keeps me moving when I feel like God is pushing me towards something I'm unsure of. Erma Bombeck said, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left. That I could say, I have nothing left, I used it all.

Encouragement in Discipline

I remember when I was in 9th grade, I was sitting in the backseat of my Honey's (my grandma) car. We pulled up to a store and she asked if I wanted some gum from inside. Without even thinking I said the worse thing I could have ever said to her. I said "yea". The moment the words were out of my mouth, I immediately regretted my choice and tried to say, "I'm sorry, I meant yes ma'am". But I was too late, her arm stretched into that back seat to pop my mouth before I could open it to rectify the situation. I knew I had messed up and I desperately wanted to fix it because I did not want her disappointed in me.

I learned a few things from this situation. I learned that discipline is not just for the fun of it. When you love someone and are helping form their future, you want to point out the wrong behaviors and correct them when possible. As parents or teachers, we correct behaviors on a regular basis.

If we care enough to do that, how much more does God want that for us? Hebrews 12:7 tells us that God disciplines us because He loves us. Not every bad thing that happens to us is discipline but there is a cause and effect that directly results from sins. If you speed, you get pulled over and get a ticket. If you are sexually inpure, there are various issues that could arise there. If you are not a good steward of your money, bills go into collections.

Sometimes, though, I see people that I know are not doing the right thing, yet things seem to work out for them. Some people live outside of God's word, yet never seem to come across any real consequences. Hebrews 12:8 tells us that God only disciplines His own. He loves us enough to want all the rewards of living a righteous life. If you are His, discipline is a way of seeing God's love in your life.

This brings up the question, though, are you habitually living in a sin? Is God disciplining you?  If not, you may need to examine. Sometimes God gives us space to learn from our mistakes. However there is a chance that you are not His and need to evaluate that relationship.

Hebrews 12 goes on to tell us in verses 12 and 13 that the way we handle discipline can be an encouragement to those around us. That our strength and willingness to move from our sin can in turn give weaker Christians the strength to move past their sins as well.

I encourage you to search your heart. Ask the Lord to show you the issues that are in your life. To handle His discipline with strength and gratitude. When you handle yourself in this manner, just think of the lives that you could be an encouragement to! What an amazing thought and promise from our Lord.

It's Time to Discuss Hobby Lobby

This week marks a huge victory for religious freedom. I'm sure by now you know a little something about the Hobby Lobby suit against Obamacare. Just a quick break down if you do not know what is going on exactly, or if you've seen contradicting stories and are confused. Basically Obamacare requires businesses to not only pay for birth control but for two brands of the morning after pill. Hobby Lobby has no problem paying for birth control, it's the morning after pills that an issue. Because the morning after pill can be seen as abortion.

I'm not here to debate when a fetus is a fetus. That's not the point of this, although personally I believe life is at conception and do believe that morning after pills do not value the sanctity of life.

All of this is besides the point. The thing that shocked me this week was reading about the people protesting Hobby Lobby. First, I find it odd that the people who are up in arms about this ruling are not employees of Hobby Lobby. They are not being affected. Secondly, so many facts are being misconstrued. Hobby Lobby has no problem paying for birth control. They do not wait to pay for morning after pills and IUDs. Most Hobby Lobby employees are in favor of their religious beliefs. They have Sundays off for family time, and their minimum wage is over $9!

However we live in a world today that just longs to be upset about something. If the Hobby Lobby ruling would have been differently, no doubt the next day we would have been dealing with another Christian who is ruining the world by standing up for their beliefs.

Some of the protesters had some wonderful things to say on their picket signs. My favorite said "You're the boss at my job, not in my bedroom". I know that was supposed to be anti-Hobby Lobby. However I completely agree with them. Women today want to scream strength, equality,  and independence. And I agree! It is your bosses job to handle things at work. But it is your job to handle things in the bedroom.

If you are independent enough to have sex and forget a condom, then you are independent enough to buy a plan-b if you are so inclined. It should not fall on your boss to make sure that you do not get pregnant if you are not ready for a baby! If you are strong enough to have casual sex with no regards to the sanctity of life, then you are strong enough to use your money at a drug store.

It is not societies job to allow women to have all of the sexual encounters they want without consequences. If a company is paying for birth control, everything extra you need is just that, extra!

Feminists have fought so hard to have "control" when it comes to sex. But Hobby Lobby is a perfect example of only wanting the illusion of control, because they are still expecting someone to pay for their life eliminating medication. If you truly want control, take it into your own hands. Do not attack a Christian corporation because they stand against it. If you are for it, don't work for Hobby Lobby. Find a company that will supply morning after pills. Or, better yet, be a truly empowered woman, take control, and handle it yourself!

The Lord has given us this life to live for His glory. I am so thankful to see large businesses standing up for what they believe is right. Setting an example for those of us who may need a little courage to stand strong to our beliefs. Hobby Lobby taught me this week that it's okay to disagree with the world. It's also okay to challenge the world, show them what i believe, and stand by it regardless of the results of that challenge. For that, I am more grateful than I realized before i started writing this! They taught me it is okay to stick to my guns and not apologize for following to path the Lord has laid out for me.

Searching out "These Women"

I've made some very poor decisions in my life. Some I purposefully went against what I knew was right. Some, on the other hand, were mistakes of ignorance. Times I thought I was doing right, but did not find out until later how wrong I really was.
One of these mistakes is with friendships. I can honestly say I was a freshman in college before I found the Biblical definition of a friend. That person that matches everything they tell you in church that you should find in friends. However my eyes still were not open. I thought Leslie was a dying breed. An endangered species. Something to be treasured above all other relationships but to look for another friend like her would be foolish.

So what did I do? I kept up other relationships. Some were toxic, some were not, they just weren't what I needed. I knew how to be a good friend, I'd bend over backwards for anyone I knew. It kept seeming like I was being used over and over again though.

After a very bad time in my friendships, I lost all faith. The person I thought was my best friend was so toxic, she would harass me and turn on me for the slightest indiscretion in her mind. I spent years tip toeing around her to not have that feeling. I felt so inferior. She had no problem telling me what a horrible and selfish person I was. I was beaten down, lonely, and beginning to believe that I was the worst friend possible.

Soon after I hit rock bottom in that relationship, something amazing happened. At church I opened up to a girl in my Sunday school about how toxic this relationship was. Suddenly she became a strong influence in my life. We started dating our husbands at the same time, we survived multiple changes in our lives, and we were so blessed to have our babies at the same time! God truly is good. She opened my eyes to the fact that good, Godly, and encouraging friends like Leslie were not one in a million! Instead they are there waiting for other rich, meaningful friendships.

Since I learned my lesson and began searching out Godly women to share my friendship, God has blessed me so richly. He has put amazing women in my path. At one point I believed the majority of friendships were only for a season. That people came in and out of you life. However since I let go of toxic relationships and started seeking out what God wanted for me, I have made more lifelong friends than I thought possible. These women in my life I love so dearly. I trust them enough to let them in on personal struggles and never once have they used that information against me. I've raised Kolton with their children, found role models for my marriage. I've also began taking more value in myself as a friend.

God created us to be social beings. We have a very innate longing to be around people. We want to let people in and share our thoughts and dreams and problems with other people. However,  I encourage you to be careful. Not everyone is looking for the things you are. Guard your heart. Look for friends in the right places. Don't believe the lies the enemy whispers in your ear. You do deserve good friends. There are plenty of women out there that hold your ideals and want to be the kind of friend you desire. The Lord wants you to have the encouragement and support that comes from women like these! Don't settle for less! And for all of "these women" I'm my life, I'm more thankful than you will ever know for the difference you've made in me!

Beware the Compare

When I woke up this morning I desperately wished that I was a morning person. I longed to be the kind of woman that when my alarm went off, I could hop out of bed, sing my way through a morning shower, and fix lunches for my household with a smile on my face!

Not ten minutes later,  I started envying women whose husband's help them get the kids ready for the day. A second set of hands to deal with a child that hates mornings just like me would be such a blessing!

When I'm at work, I see mamas that drop their children off and they are so put together. Hair and makeup are done. Their outfits aren't wrinkled and covered in the milk from the great sippy cup battle. Talk about feeling envious! I so long to be that kind of woman!

But the truth is, mornings are terrible in my home! I hate waking up, my husband hates waking up, and surprise surprise, my little bit loves to sleep in as well. If I'm not careful though my day can get destroyed from the beginning if I do not start guarding my thoughts and my heart from the moment my alarm goes off.

I don't know if you are like me, but I suffer from a spirit of comparison. Some women compare their objects with other families objects. Wanting their cars, or homes, or their nice furniture. Some women compare relationships. Envying others families, friends, or loved ones. Then on the other hand some women compare non tangible things. How their children behave, their personal image, or the amount of love they see.

We live in a society that is fueled by comparing our lives with others. Just look at facebook. Everyone puts their highlights on facebook, but like me, you start to judge your sad, dark times against someone's highlights. Suddenly your joy is stolen.

One spin on pinterest in the home section, and the home you live in suddenly seems inadequate. Regardless of how much you love your home, it is easy to find something you would rather have!

We are all familiar with the Ten Commandments. Do not covet. I think a modern translation should be, do not compare. If you begin to compare, you start to open your heart to the devil and his whispers that tear you down. Comparing your life to others mine as well be a neon sign flashing that says "I do not treasure what God has given me".

God gave you this life because He trusted you to live it to the fullest. There's a reason you have what you have been given!  I'm a hoarder of money, I'm a better steward of God's money when I do not have a lot of it. I'd love to not worry about money, but God knows what he's doing!

You may have strained relationships and you long for the companionship others have. But maybe God is molding you to be a leader later or honing attributes you need to be a better friend,  sister, or wife.

Just because you do not have everything you want or think you deserve does not mean that God has given you less than your neighbor! So much of our lives are kept private. So when you compare lives with someone else it may not even be accurate!

You may have woken up like me and longed to be something different. But friend, God has created this life just for you! He trusts you to live it to fullest! This life you lead is not right for me or your neighbor. It is specially designed by the Saviour of the Universe for you to love daily to bring glory to His name and to draw closer to Him.

I challenge you to guard your heart. Consciously live the rest of this week to push away comparisons in your head. To tell the devil that it doesn't matter what pinterest tells you a bedroom needs to look like because you have been the best steward possible with the things God has given you. And the next time you think someone has it better than you, say a prayer for them. Chances are they feel lacking too!

It is Good

If you are pro-life or have ever seen a pro-life poster, a very common phrase seen comes from the Bible. We love to tell people, love your baby, he's been made in the image of God. He is fearfully and wonderfully made. Everything that is being created in you today is a blessing. God loves you enough that He not only trusted you enough to make you a mom, but He has taken time and energy to create your baby in the image of the Creator...to intimately know and love your child before he was even born!

That is such a heady and strong message. It really portrays what a Christian believes about bringing children into this world!

However, some of us as young women, as teenagers, as young wives, as young mothers, and even some of us as grandmothers have forgotten this. It is so easy to remember that the babies we are bringing into this world are an image of God, but we forget one very important piece of information. WE TOO ARE CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. Let me say that again, you, my dear friend, are created exactly the way God the Father intended you to be!

I heard a celebrity I love say that she vowed to never say anything bad about her body in front of her daughters, because she did not want them to grow up looking for the faults in their bodies. I think this is a great start, but it needs to be taken one step farther. What can we say we LOVE about our bodies? 

Do you have to stand in front of a mirror and stare for a long time to find something you love? If you are like me, you may not have an answer about something you love about your body. I am working on doing more than tolerating what I look like. I take a lot of pride in my family, in my intellect, and in my relationships. But if you ask about my body and how I look...the first things I come up with are improvements!

Never once in the Bible have I read where God or Christ simply tolerate themselves. I've never read the passage where they are eager to point out the good in others, yet have constant complaints about themselves! God is PROUD of His creation. He said, "It is good!". When was the last time you looked in the mirror and thought, "This is good?". Normally I think, "This will do!". 

I challenge you (and myself) to spent your days praising what God created fearfully and wonderfully. Find your value in Him, not a bathroom scale. Stop staring at the size of your blue jeans, but instead stare at the things He gave you and think, "You were right, God, this is good!".